Lonely at the Top

You made it, finally. You have all the materialistic and ability to be comfortable in your own world. The trips, the dinners, the clear schedule, or full agenda book, to-do list, a little money to burn, even your physical health is good. Except, where are all of the people you started with, or where are the people you can trust? It's interesting as you begin your journey to success or having, what you or another person considers to be, a "good life", the amount of changes you have to make. Your close circle becomes smaller as your network grows. Associates become acquaintances, partners become friends and your old friends can become strangers. Even your family can seem distant. Not that you've done anything wrong, your path just changed, your mindset has altered.

Its a little hard to accept the fact that in order to build something you have to seperate from your norm. Meaning, removing yourself from friends and loved ones as you look onward to achieving whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. You hear it time after time, "you need to remove yourself from that crowd if you want something out of life." Or, "show me your friends, I'll show you your future." "You don't want to end up like them." "You working on a Sunday? "You need a real job." The title "Lonely at the Top" doesn't necessarily mean you have to be a boss or CEO to be at the top. You can be at the top of your game or in the best spot you've been in your life, and be at the top. I guarantee you lost a few close people getting there. Whether it's from personal choices or just time. Honestly, most of it is loss of time with people. Then, those who missed out on your time tend to take things personally. Not that you meant to miss engagements, sometimes there isn't enough time, or you're just not interested in that crowd anymore. New paths often create new hobbies as well. Or, you just have your agenda which occupied your time. Usually, it's not personal. Growth comes with change and you can't have one without the other, regardless of what they say. Whoever "they" are.

"They" say money can't buy happiness but you wouldn't believe how many millionaires are depressed. As we grow and manage endeavors and things that we enjoy or goals we set, it's easy to forget what even made us laugh or happy. Imagine having everything you prayed for or wanted and realizing it wasn't that important. It never was. Things we don't have just seem better when we don't have them, right? It's important to enjoy the things you do have and the people who are around not because of the things you have, but because they enjoy your company.

On the other hand, if you're around people who don't want anything out of life, your life can become routine, just a rerun of yesterday. Same people same stories, and sometimes even the same house. Continue to insert changes to your normal. Share those experiences with others and spend time with those you love and those who love you. This will fill any emotional emptiness you may experience on your rise, or at the top!

Review of the Future of the American Negro and Collected Works

   

    This is a review of several books and websites that have depicted the status of the Negro in the 1800s, 1900s, and present day. The books and websites include but are not limited to: The Future of the American Negro, by Booker T. Washington, Frederick Douglas's The Collected Works, and The Miseducation of the American Negro, by Carter G. Woodson. These readings have opened my eyes to many things that the K through 12 education leave out of their studies. It is hard for one to understand the challenges we face today without understanding the challenges and the "standards" that have been implemented and followed for the last 2 centuries. I am sure that most African Americans are unaware of the systemic practices that are ongoing and have been ongoing behind closed doors. I find myself growing fond of the HBCU alumni as they have learned the other side of the story that is omitted from the "ivy leagues" and "civilized" undergrad settings of higher learning.

    Booker T. Washington was an American educator, author, and adviser to multiple presidents of the United States. In his book he spoke of the relationships between the slave and slaveholders in the South, as well as the impact of freeing the slaves. One of the more interesting things I learned was how many of the slave owners and white women were unequipped to fend for themselves when it came to daily duties. Many of the caretaking responsibilities were done by the blacks including, cleaning, cooking, and even tending to infants. The blacks possessed these skills especially with the labor and pass it to their next of kin as the bonds of slavery continued overtime. Meanwhile, the whites became accustomed to not having to tend to the daily duties of keeping up their homes, farming their gardens, and even raising their children. From ploughing the gardens to building furniture by hand, these skills left the South in many cases when the slave learned of his freedom. The first 30 years following the Civil War was pretty tough for the Southerner. 

    Carter G. Woodson's "Miseducation of the American Negro" piggybacks similarities to the following of slavery and what blacks and whites endured as they learned to coexist in society. It's obvious many blacks left the south and looked for homes and work in the north, assuming it would be more of an opportunity for them but that wasn't always the case. In reality, most whites worked with blacks in the south and even would shop their goods. Blacks who provided sufficient work and goods within the community actually thrived in the south, even more then in the north. Many southerners believed that slavery should not have ended, but a lot of whites had no problem paying for services of blacks and even treated them like a human in some cases. In the north, education was available for the blacks but what was the use of Latin, and Greek Literature in regard to the American day to day living. 

    The entire time the Blacks possessed the laboring skills that would have succeeded in the factories, or industrial atmosphere. The problem was that it was okay for the blacks to work in the field and forest, picking cotton and cutting logs, but if a black were to follow the cotton into the factory we were turned around and not provided with the opportunity to work next to a white man. Try following the wood to the mill and you would also be turned around in the north as well. A black man (Eli Whitney) invented the cotton gin, but blacks could not work on or with the cotton gin. This was the way of the past but similar characteristics are still prevalent today when blacks employ blacks or when they ate put in a supervisory role. Woodson also spoke of former slaves not wanting to change their mentality out of fear or just because anything out of the norm to them was unknown territory. I.E. Blacks were used to entering through the back of an establishment and after slavery some businesses allowed entry the front for blacks. In many cases many blacks would still choose to enter through back and frowned at blacks who entered through front, often down talking them as if they think they are better or different from the other blacks. 

    Even today in many cases our own fellow brothers and sisters will knock each other for their accomplishments and achievements in life. Instead of supporting each other's rise, or road to success, we choose to slander them and not support one another's businesses. One who looks to leave a certain neighborhood and provide a better living for his family can be viewed as a sell out for leaving a neighborhood that the person himself does not even want to be a part of. Jealousy and hate consumes people because someone else had plans and goals to achieve something, when the entire time all that person needed to do was ask or take it upon himself to set his own goals and work towards them. One would rather dislike someone then asking how they achieved their accomplishments or ask them to share their story. 

    In addition to the blacks learning the Latin scriptures and European playwriters, etc... There were minimum opportunities for the educated negro in the South and North. Some blacks were able to take advantage of their skills and craftsmanship by building and selling furniture. Others opened stores within the community. One of the problems with the stores though was once one person saw someone's store was successful, the other would open a store right next to the original store. Now, revenue has been cut in half and the new store will never reach its full potential. When it came to the factories, when blacks finally made it in, we were paid less and worked twice as hard. There was one factory owner that conducted a study where he put an African American in a foreman's role overseeing a team of African Americans. What was discovered was that a majority of the blacks would listen to the white supervisor, but when it came to one of their own they would tend to be lazy and defiant. At times, challenging the black supervisor, or assuming he thought he was better than the workers under him. These actions are similar today as we tend to not support each others businesses or acknowledge accomplishments. We'll like a post about a business but wont share it with our social following. We may even judge the business or look for the flaws as opposed to congratulating and motivating that person. 

    Now the Frederick Douglass Collected Works, has been a bit hard to read as he recalls his life from a 5 year-old and on up to adulthood. The plantation he was on was in my home state Virginia. Slaves were beaten for the smallest of things such as a horse not walking right, or a horse appearing to be hungry, etc... The lashings would draw blood upon striking the slaves skin and some slave owners would beat their slaves daily as if it was an after meal practice. As a child born into slavery it was common that the child was separated from his mother and raised on another plantation or by an elder woman on opposites sides of the plantation until he or she was able to work in the fields. Children often were not provided pants or shoes and walked the plantations with just a long shirt. Adults usually had 1 pair of jeans, one shirt, and shoes maybe, some two outfits for the entire year. They all slept on damp floors and Frederick spoke of using whatever he could for a blanket at night. Slaves worked from sunrise to sunset everyday of the week except Sundays. And never worked the week of Christmas at this plantation. Eventually Frederick was allowed to go to Maryland as a young boy and be under the care of another Slaveholder who's wife didn't treat slaves like they did in Virginia and other southern states. There the Slaveowners wife would began teach Frederick how to read. Starting form learning the alphabet to completing sentences. He spoke of how excited he was to be learning and how it became a double edge sword because he began to learn how cruel it was to enslave another human. In addition, he learned how poorly blacks were treated and the opportunities slaves never knew about or would ever know. 

    Eventually the slaveholder in Maryland, Mr. Hugh I believe his name was, found out his wife was teaching Frederick how to read and forbid it. Not because he didn't want him to learn, but because he worried about the consequences of someone finding out that they taught him as well as Frederick learning his and other blacks status in the country. Frederick said after she stopped teaching him to read he would challenge his white friends with in the community by saying he could write better then them or knew more words. That would cause them to share what they knew as if it was a game and he would learn from them each day. At times when he had to go into town he would leave early coming and going in order to secure reading materials and read during his travels. In his late teens Mr. Hugh fell ill and Frederick was returned to the violent slaveowner's possession and plantation in Virginia. This he states was his first time being treated like a slave as he was now older and had chores in the fields. He recalled his first beating after returning from Maryland, and how his head was whelped and the whelps on his back where blood poured out fluently. This was the beginning of him setting in his mind a plan to flee back to the north or even further for his freedom.   

    Today the black culture is different from the 1800's as we aren't afraid to go for our dreams and learn what we choose to learn, and believe what we want to believe. It was interesting to read writings from actual slaves and get a deeper understanding of their day to day activities. I cannot imagine living in those situations though. Frederick and Charles detailed similar feelings from the whites, when it came to them not wanting blacks to learn or the fear that they posed a threat. Rightfully so, as many historians depicted a different story than just chains and cleaning "Massa's" house. A lot of knowledge, inventions, and life altering advancements were made by people of color throughout the world since the beginning of recorded history, even before then. You wouldn't want the plan to be altered after so many years of inferior teachings would you, that would confuse everyone, so they say. 

Review of Living Together Living Apart

    While taking my vacation at the end of the summer this year, I was listening to a Tidewater radio station on my way to North Carolina. The speaker's topic at the time was the segregation within the communities and cites. A former councilman even joined the broadcast and spoke about "blockbusting" as well. At the time I had never heard of Blockbusting, which is the practice of persuading owners to sell property cheaply because of the fear of people of another race or class moving into the neighborhood, and thus profiting by reselling at a higher price. The speaker stated that realtors would higher black women to walk through white communities with their babies and baby strollers periodically throughout the week. The goal was to get white owners to sell and move out in order to entice the black buyers to come in and buy at a higher rate. Even the banks would loan blacks money with a higher interest rate than that which was offered for whites.

    Ever hear the saying, "that used to be a nice neighborhood?" Understand, it did not "used to be" nice because a couple of black families moved in. In fact , those families that moved in were usually middle class blacks with good jobs. It wasn't until all of the whites have moved out and the banks have raised the prices so high for the blacks, to where most are evicted and the banks allow the low incomes in the neighborhoods and then the crime rates spike from there. Blacks and whites with low incomes now flood the neighborhood and well, "that used to be a nice neighborhood." These practices were supposed to be against the law following the passing of 1968 Housing Act, which expanded on previous acts and prohibited discrimination concerning the sale, rental, and financing of housing based on race, religion, national origin, sex, handicap and family status. In addition, the Title VIII of the Act is also known as the Fair Housing Act. Let's just say just because something is changed in writing doesn't mean it is applied in the real world.  Norfolk’s segregation didn’t happen by accident. It happened by design, guided by powerful people and institutions (THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT). 

For more on this topic check out: Livingtogetherlivingapart.com/media 

He was Raised Right! Right?

The other day I said to my son, you know why most people aren't successful or winning? Because it's hard and it's tough. A lot of us don't like things or challenges that are hard. We don't go out of our way to get the best out of a lesson or task. Many of us like the roads that are easy or simple. This gives us the confidence of accomplishing something and being good at it. Not caring that it's something anyone can do. The same goes for any of you who hate your job but don't want to look for another one or add to your responsibilities to earn more for yourselves. 

I've looked at many of my peers and those who are successful had what some would consider a harder road than others, most of them anyway. Of course some have had a strong structured upbringing and focused guidance from parents or other figures in their lives. For the most part, many sacrifices have been made throughout their journey. It's a challenge to decipher what is right and what is wrong with raising a child, teenager, or young adult as each differs in their own way. A meme caught my eye on social media that showed two brothers sitting next to each other on a bench. The one on the left has a suit and tie on, portraying success with in a corporate world, obviously. Then, the one on the right, having holes in his jeans and a worn shirt etc., just a homely appearance with a bottle of alcohol in his hand. The quote on the picture read, "I became successful because my father was an alcoholic," and the quote for the homeless looking brother on the right read, "I became an alcoholic because my father was an alcoholic." This was a powerful post for me because both statements were true and both outcomes were from the same root, or practices of their father. 

So what is considered when someone makes the statement he was raised right? In my opinion this can be a combination of strategies and practices. Teaching the child good morals and ethics is the first step. As they get older, the challenges get harder, the talks become deeper, and opportunity for error is narrowed, both for the parent and the adolescent. A parent or parental figure has to recognize the strengths and weaknesses of their children and understand where to plug in the guidance and necessary help. Moreover, a message has to be delivered in a way the child can use the information to take another step forward, whether it's following a mistake or an accomplishment. It doesn't necessarily need to come from the heart either, it needs to come from a place of truth and honesty. A harsh reality some could say, but it also needs to be from a person who leads by example. The old saying goes, "Practice what you preach." "I'm the momma do and as I say, not as I do" is one too, but that's another story. 

Is there really a right or wrong way to raise someone? It seems that the necessary tools can be given to all but the ultimate test will be in the choices the child makes. Again choices are usually made based on assumptions, previous actions, atmosphere, peers, and even previous guidance to name just a few. One key thing one can do is make the child believe in himself. Don't be quick to assist or provide an immediate answer to a question, or resolution to a challenge that the children will face. Allow them and yourself to see what they can do on their own before you judge. They may just surprise you. 

A Letter to 2020

 

Dear 2020,

    As the 2020 year comes to an end many people find themselves less than optimistic for the next year. Since March, here in Virginia, we have been experiencing the effects of a Pandemic, loss of life, more isolation, extended time with household members (Families and Roommates, …), division (promoted by Media, and other platforms), exposing social injustice, social distancing, protests, riots, extended unemployment, loss of careers, and loss of homes. Needless to say we would love to forget this year. I read that from chaos, you have two options, and they are panic and opportunity. This is visible with the rioting and distress seen on social media, in our neighborhoods, and depression experienced by humans around the world. In regard to opportunity, the investors of the world have seen some big jumps in their stakes with Medical stocks and Tech, along with several others. It almost doesn't seem fair how companies like Amazon and Walmart thrive while your local businesses suffer and in some cases lay off their life long employees with no idea when they will be able to return to work, or career. 

    Now in December, almost everyone wears a mask, refuses to shake hands, no hugs (love) and in some cases will not leave their homes to visit friends or family. Thus, leaving the world open to false news ads, political unrest, and public displays of aggression between peers, family, and strangers over a social media platform. In grocery stores, we have seen shortages throughout the year and the inflation of cost for goods and supplies. Before I go any further, I want to thank all of the essential workers for working throughout the year with no break insight or additional Cares Act pay, especially the nurses and doctors first and foremost. Not to leave out the McDonald's or grocery store workers either. They never stopped their routine in the face of the world attempting to do their best to hide behind closed doors. Again, thank you. 

    Stimulus checks went out, Extra Care additional funds, and others perks were available but unfortunately not all of the citizens reaped the benefits. Many of those that did, spent it all instead of saving it for the upcoming trials and challenges. Now, they suffer from not knowing where their income will come from, especially when your job has closed or furloughed you. One thing I've learned and noticed is the "powers that be" are getting better at using the media platforms to control/confuse the masses. From rioting in the streets to promoting political views, and now causing people to not believe in the integrity of our own democracy, the media is scary today. On the other end though, churches are closed or at minimum capacity, but people still find a way to indulge in their religious practices. Families still have small gatherings and people still reach out to people via internet and cell phones. It has always been my belief that the good will always outweigh the bad, no matter what we may see on TV. Another harsh reality is the Covid -19 Virus is real and many families have lost loved ones.

    We've learned to survive all throughout our history so I don't expect this to be any different, but 2020, I wont miss you at all. You took Kobe, Kobe though?? We've watched a basketball season in a "bubble" and baseball season with little to no fans. At one point all we had was Korean baseball to watch for live sports. Football is played with little to no crowds but the fans cheer with digital and soundbite additions. Date nights with wives and husbands have been altered, and not to mention divorces have went to an all time high this year. You learned who you're living with this year, didn't you? Some bonds became even stronger. Kids began virtual school in preparation for college as parents scrambled to find supervision, and searched for answers on google as we help with homework. Other parents headed to work while the kids played in the streets or hung out with friends. 

This is the life given to us for 2020. It is up to you to make the best of it and take advantage of the chaos. Find your opportunities, mind your surroundings and look out for those who cant. This too, shall pass.

    

America's Love for the Bad and the Ugly

 

    How many times have you rooted for the bad guy? Think about it. We loved Arnold's character in the first Terminator, Pacino in Scarface, El Padron in Narcos, and on and on. Studies have shown when it comes to TV shows and Media, the audience loves a little action whether it's good or bad. In fact, the bad gets the most attention. The same goes for social media. I.E. Whenever there's a good dispute everyone chimes in with their opinion and even more people read the threads. People cant get enough of the rage and verbal jousting. This proved to be the case in the 2016 Presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Obviously Trump was more aggressive with his verbiage as he entertained the audience while debating to be the "Leader of the Free World."Boy did he know how to work the crowd and it was entertaining. Before the 2016 election, some could have considered Trump a slight underdog, maybe. In many cases we all love a good underdog, not so much with Trump for some but you get where I'm going. 

    But where or when did we alter our tolerance for the new normal, in regard to conversations and disagreements? Allow me to give an opinion. First, in the late 90's and early 2000's there was the Jerry Springer show, remember..? All kinds of hell broke loose on that show and the ratings went through the roof. America couldn't get enough of the torn families, disappointing stories and lengthy arguments among spouses. Don't forget the exciting DNA results that were revealed. How many of us couldn't wait for that volcano to explode? Then, a few years later after the more level headed viewers began to complain the show faded as the dramatic confrontations were dialed down. Next, we were introduced to Jersey Shore followed by Bad Girls Club. America continued to indulge in watching people make fools of themselves whether it was scripted or unscripted. Kids continued to watch. Once producers realized what they had with this they took it to another level, often hiding it behind the upper class environments and titles like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Orange County, New York City and so on. Then, came Love and Hip Hop more and more people were tuning in and watching drinks being thrown on each other during dinners, lunches, and even breakfast sometimes. People congregating as friends then talking about the first person who leaves the room. Even engaging in adultery and cheating in relations hips with friends and so on.

    Make no mistake, this type of mind control wasn't just discovered. It was well-known for many decades. The news channels got the best rating when they covered a war or a major crisis. Even then certain forms of sharing the news and world events were censored. Now, the censorship has been lifted from these networks and our children see what we had to stay up until 11pm to see, at dinner time. The difference in the 90's was you could turn it off, not read it, or tune it out. Now, the chaos is everywhere from the TV, at work, school, to the smartphone which encourages you to download social media apps. Once the government realized what the "blue app" (FB) was they bought that as well. It wasn't just that it was such a great platform, it was the knowing of how great of a tool it was. A mind altering tool in fact. Most people today do not even know why they keep seeing the same type of videos or same topics everyday and throughout the day. The reason is because this app builds an algorithm that is designed to identify what your interest are. In other words the stuff you like is what the app will continue to pump through your new feeds. I.E. If you like street fights, you get street fight videos, if you like street cars you get more street car videos. I.E. Drag races and low riders, etc... Similar to the quote from the book "As a Man Thinketh," where it was stated, bad trees can only bare bad fruit and good trees will only bare good fruit. It has been a while since I've read that book but you get the message. 

    A documentary I watched a couple years ago, detailed the threats of Facebook, and how if used in the wrong way, it would have a negative impact on many of its users. Just as a kid can become addicted to a video game, an adult can share the same addiction with their social media apps. Some of the guest in that documentary included some elite men in the world such as Warren Buffet and even Bill Gates. Did you know that many algorithm writers, or developers and psychologists, including "world elites" stated that they would never have a "blue app" account because they were aware of what type of mind altering tool it was? 

Reaping What You Sow

    Do not assume the title is anything different from what it says. You will reap what you sow and that goes for anyone and everything. Think about the things you see happen or the things you've seen people do and decisions he or she has made. That voice inside sometimes tells you its going to be hell to pay when xyz comes back around. Recalling a statement from the book "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen, the author wrote Good thoughts bare good fruits, and Bad thoughts bare bad fruits. Or, every man is where he is in life because of his thoughts and actions. Thus, bad choices will have consequences that one must ultimately endure. With that in mind the Bible says, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." 

    Following several self evaluation reviews and hours of reflection, I wanted to do my best to attempt to right any wrongs within my life. This included apologizing for anything I had done to hurt someone, or at least addressing any issues I thought caused another to view my choices or actions with any form of resentment. Obviously, people are going to judge or feel a certain way about you regardless of the success or failures, but I felt it was important for me to at least clear my conscience. Freeing one's mind of any guilt will allow you to move forward in your personal growth. As far as what someone else chooses to do, or feel, that my friend is out of your control. Don't worry about it.

    People often misunderstand or are oblivious to the consequences of their actions. People will treat others badly or even judge, and look down on others as if they will never make a mistake or come across their own challenges. We have to remind ourselves that we too, do not always get it right. How you choose to treat others and the bridges burned, can isolate you to the point where there is no one left for you and your thoughts, or friendship. No one left that wants to hear your complaints, or bare your burdens. No one to lift you up in your time of need or pull you out of those dark clouds. Reaping what you sow refers to the fact that you are likely to receive the same problems that you create for other people.

Looking Back, What Have You Done?

    The other night I watched a documentary titled, "Bernie Mac, In His Own Words." It was a good story on his life, health and his success in Hollywood as an comedian, actor, husband, and father. One quote he shared from his mom was "if you don't have, learn how to do without." I thought that was a great piece of advice for a young man growing up in poverty, or with less than average. In addition, he mentioned how it felt to look back over his accomplishments and the feeling of satisfaction it brought. Bernie Mac did what he loved to do and eventually got paid for it. Ultimately, as a child he learned he wanted to make sure his mom was always happy and not crying. Bill Cosby kept her smiling, and he noticed that at a young age. Well in doing so, as far as comedy and doing what he enjoyed, throughout life he earned rewards made his family proud and provided a living. After he reached his forties, even with his illness, he made an impact on the world and experienced some of his greatest success. Bringing laughter to people around the world was his thing and he only planned on keeping his mom smiling at a young age. The point is if you can find what you're good at keep doing it and make an impact others as you go. Make sure when you leave this Earth, they remember you, and remember the things you stood for.  

    At the age of 36, I am fully aware I have plenty of life left to live and strive to achieve a thing or two. Currently, I am rereading "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill and one entry stated that most of the successful men reach some of their biggest success after the age of 40. Needless to say, I am prepping myself daily for the 40's. Looking back on my accomplishments, I don't think I have contributed much to the world yet. My biggest accomplishment is my son though. That's the best project I like working on, and seeing his development. But outside of that what have you really accomplished? Are you proud of your accomplishments, or what do you plan to accomplish?

    I've completed a couple of Degree's but still under $40,000 for an annual salary. I would like to make a bit more to be honest and will continue to learn. That's definitely on my to do list and trust me I am putting in the applications. Let's see I have... Well, I enjoyed coaching a little league basketball team some years back and training investigators to identify internal losses, but I have yet to establish how I plan to leave the world better then I found it. Everyone has an idea of what they think they should do or what they want to do, but normally we do not put any action behind it. I attempted to start a Men's Empowerment group with in my community and partner with my Pastor but the first meeting didn't have that big of a turn out. For those who did show up we were able to discuss how we grade our priorities and the importance of each to our way of life. It was very informative meeting and I prepared myself to be able to answer questions and challenge the thoughts of the participants. I decided that maybe I didn't get as many to show, as I had messages from, because of my lack of accomplishments. I figured maybe they didn't believe I was actually living and doing the things I was sharing. Of course my Pastor knew my dedication but maybe I didn't have enough of a foundation to pull others in. Therefor, I briefly discontinued the meetings. It was a learning risks of course but it was something I can still see myself doing. It gives you a good feeling when you assist another or brainstorm with like minds. 

    Recently the books I've read, challenged the balance of today's world and the doings of the Country's past. I would like to help others accordingly, or even educated them on various topics, like finances and importance of education. Not just education of grammar, or 2 plus 2, but education on your surroundings, county leaders, real-estate, self-awareness. There's no doubt that most people are a product of their own environment. Then, there's the thought that everyman is where he is in life because of his thoughts. Thus, self awareness is vital in establishing your goals and who you are and want to be. In my opinion, before one can help others, he must understand the importance of helping himself. Identify who you are then what you want to do for others, if that's a goal for you. Make sure when you leave this Earth, they remember you, and remember the things you stood for.  

    

The Interracial Couples

 

    As a person in an interracial relationship I wanted to share some of the views and experiences that these couples endure. In addition, I want the reader to reflect and share their thoughts as well. The "interracial couple" has always existed and has always been scrutinized in some shape or form. It was only a few years ago that big company's and marketing teams started running their ads with the interracial family in the forefront. With the social injustice and hate crime topics circulating around the world and into the homes of the masses, only the ones living within the interracial homes will have to mind the different opinions and views. Obviously, one will relate to the other and some will beg to differ on some topics but at the end of the day the truth is the truth and right is right and wrong is wrong, however you slice it.   

    I met my wife in 2006 and I had dated outside of my race but nothing really serious enough to have anyone meet the parents, etc... As an African American male in high-school, I kept a girlfriend or female friend. In most cases they were all African American. In my school there were no where near as many blacks as there were whites but everyone seemed to have gotten along. This was a small single-A school at the time, located in Virginia, about 15 miles outside of Richmond, Va. I recall a Valentine's day in the 7th grade where I briefly called a white girl my girl friend and I was her boyfriend. I brought her several roses and some chocolates too. Well my mom bought me some chocolates and some flowers and I took them to school to share with my new friend. She was very pretty at the time and I wasn't getting along with any of my exes so hey seemed right to me. It wasn't until another 15 years or so that she told me how the black girls had given her a hard time about receiving the flowers and being my girlfriend. Moreover in the later years the black girls she referred to recalled the situation and stated their opinion, or jealousy, about the relationship as well. I had no issues with it personally, but it was interesting to hear from both sides and how they felt. Thinking back, I could have been in the company of a lot more white girls but whose to say they weren't avoiding the negative vibes and drama from the black girls in the school. 

    These occurrences more than likely took place on both sides as well as in other schools and around the world. As kids, we were in many cases, oblivious to these behind the scene gestures and actions. Born in the 80's, and watching 90's shows, we were used to seeing Shows like "Saved by Bell", "Boy Meets World", 'Family Matters", "Full House", "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", "90210", "A Different World", "Married with Children", "Martin" etcc... Movies like "Clueless", "A Bronx Tale", "Boyz in the Hood", "Menace to Society" etc... They each had their own version of what life was and who hung out with who. There were pretty white actors and pretty black actors. Men could easily be attracted to both of the movie's or show's main characters. We never thought, as we got older, that we would only be able to choose the companion who resembled our own complexion. Or that it was frowned upon by others as opposed to saying we were only able to date within our race. I loved Kelly Kaposki and Lisa Turtle in "Saved by the Bell." Then, there was Stacey Dash in "Clueless" and "Topanga" in "Boy Meets World." I found all of them to be very attractive. At school, we made certain girls out to be the filler for the TV stars we watched at home. In my case, most of the black girls were cousins or distant relatives so that didn't leave many options.

    By the time I was 15,  my parents had already separated so we moved to the city. In the public schools in the city there weren't many whites at all. In fact, there weren't any outside of the special needs classes. I had no problem with the black girls as a light skinned African American. I say that to say this, there I developed a mental attachment to the black females, opposing anything outside of them. This was merely derived from my surroundings as I had grown up with the whites being the more prevalent race in the county. When I moved back to graduate from the county,  I still had the city mentality, so I missed a lot of the good get-togethers and old friendships, as I had unknowingly been brainwashed into believing I was "too cool" or wasn't wanted in the other crowds. This was all wrong as I had been liked by all before I moved to the city. Till this day, I'm sure some old friends found me to be a little different or distant when I came back. Now 36, with a white wife, living in 2020 in Virginia, during the Pandemic, and in the extended fight for Social Injustice, along with it being an Election year it has definitely brought up some topics on Social Media and within the household. I can't see how these conversations or Facebook videos would have missed other's houses as well. 

    Make no mistake racism is real and it's not just a black and white thing, nor is is a brown or yellow thing, and so on. Within the interracial couple's experiences you'll have family members and acquaintances that do not approve of your significant other. This is relevant at family gatherings, family members birthdays and other events. The disrespect from others is talked about within the couple's household as well. Many times it's brushed off with comments like, "they're old school" or "dont worry about it, she or he has always been like that." The fact of the matter is it's wrong and makes people uncomfortable thus, resulting in family avoiding family because of how they've made your significant other feel. Family will argue with family as well as learn the feelings of their loved ones who they've grown up with their entire life. "Why do you want to marry a white girl?," or "You couldn't find someone your dad or mom would approve of?" "You know the family is not going to approve of that colored boy, or that Indian girl, etc.." "I wouldn't tell your grandma that you're dating him yet, she's going to have a heart attack." These are the type of things people have to hear after choosing someone they want to be with. Who the hell are you to judge or question another's decision regarding who they love? These are the stigmas that need to be broken and addressed. In some cases, I've heard of families disowning a child because of them dating outside of their race. Cutting them out of family pictures and never speaking their names. In the last 15 years, I have seen a lot of interracial couples, babies and families. I've noticed many of us have similar couples as friends as well. Its like a group of interracial couples taking trips and having game nights together. I don't know whether its due to us experiencing the same things with our families or is it just because we wont have to worry about the comments and looks. I get the same bush league comments or vibes from some women just as I did in middle school. I am sure my wife has friends she grew up with who wonder why she dates a black man, and not a good ole boy with a big truck, who likes chewing "bacca." Or a white collared CEO or lawyer with an estate and 1000 shares of Capitol One stock inherited from a late relative or a PhD from Harvard. I'm referring to black and white when it comes to CEOs and graduates from Harvard. The fact of the matter is people like and love who they chose to like and love. 

     I like when the racists grandpa or grandma has to hold that colored or white baby in their arms and try not to love them. That's what breaks through the hatred that's been passed on through the generations. Recently, I've had the pleasure of reading Booker T. Washington's, "The Future of the American Negro",  Carter G. Woodson's book, "The Mis-Education of the Negro", and The Collected Works of Frederick Douglass. In all of these books a lot of the settings were in my home state Virginia. Less than 200 years ago in many cases. I learned that "Massa" had no problem stating his claim to multiple female slaves in which they would often leave out of their "Big-house", plantation homes, to fornicate with the opposite race. Many times with the wife knowing and later whipping the female slave during daily encounters throughout the years. This is not to say some of the women didn't find the opposite race attractive as well, but none the less, interracial interaction has been around for quite some time. I am an African American with Indian in me, and I possess green eyes, so I'm fully aware of the interactions in that sense too. I've also learned, my Mom's maiden name Dungee originated from the Dungeness Colony in Europe. The Taylor side more then likely worked in the fields here in Virginia and along the East Coast. I say that to say this, my mom is light as day along with her father and his grandmother was white. We have been integrated with one another since the beginning of history. Moreover humans will remain to be human and fall for temptations and act on emotions. By the way, it turns out that Indians and Caucasians make some pretty good looking babies when it comes to my Great Great Grandparents. Powhatan clan. What's your view on the interracial couples?

Surviving 2020 The Mental Pandemic

 

    What's up fans and followers!?! Missed you guys, but I am back in front of my computer and sharing some thoughts and experiences from 2020 so far. August 31, 2020, I completed my Master's in Cyber Security which was a challenge I accepted in 2018. I wanted to do something outside of my norm, plus it seems as if this is the way of future as we enter the 5G and the Cloud technology of today's world. One more goal removed from the list. With the last 6 months being about COVID-19 and it's changes to the world, we were all witnesses to marches, riots, looting, social injustices, and other violent acts while the world continues to turn. Some have lost their jobs, savings, relatives, and hundreds of thousands have even lost their lives. I was even partially furloughed for a short period of time and had to file for unemployment while still participating in my online studies. This is a challenging time for everyone around the globe none the less people are still finding a way to survive. 

    With the news giving us bits and pieces of what they want us to see we must still believe in ourselves and humanity as we remain firm on our pursuit of happiness. Everyone wont share the same goals or same beliefs and that's okay. We shouldn't judge one another as we all have to find our paths, regardless of our previous journey. As a citizen who has been able to vote for 18 years now, I am beginning to understand the strategies of political parties during election years but not quite sure if the goals of the parties. The media has a stronghold on the minds of the uneducated and has the ability to bend the ear or draw the eyes of the weary or bored patron who really has no interest for media and politics. Social media on the other hand, exploits the sensitivity of topics and it's algorithms capitalizes on your strengths and weaknesses, which can cause pain and suffering of the mind or even blacken the hearts of the good. Discussions about our surroundings and happenings continue at work or at social gatherings among friends and family. Some even altering the atmosphere with in the job or vibe of the conversation. Thus, causing anger towards one another due to a lack of each other empathizing with one another. The world is already hurting enough try not not to spread the negativity as you go about your day.   

    Anyway, as the school year ended for me I was able to obtain a new position within in the company where I am currently employed. This position allows me to be home before dinner now and no more missing my son's away basketball games or family events. I have enjoyed eating breakfast at breakfast time, lunch at lunch time, and dinner at, well you get the picture. Now, with the 20 or so hours freed up from my usual schedule I am searching for a new challenge or new source of additional income. I enjoy the free time but I am fully aware of the time that has been restored to my life which could lead to the learning of a trade, or new practice to increase knowledge and wealth. A lot the evening is spent with training my son's mind and getting him to see the world for what it is and not what it appears to be on Facebook and Instagram. 

    My belief is that if I can get him to think like a 25 year-old at 16, then once he becomes a 21 year-old he will understand what it is to be 30 and own his own house, car, savings account, financial investments, and assets. It's evident that schools are now rushing kids through the grades as well as in may states teaching the same things that have been taught for the past 30 or 40 years. Many of those lessons are irrelevant in the new technical world. What is he to learn about saving money or how to conduct himself in a job interview? Practicing good computing ethics and morals, along with building character is necessary. Understanding how to lose or how to fail, or lifting the next man up while he's down. Charitable causes and understanding that you have to be twice as good as others to be recognized for a position in some cases. Or, understanding that your own family may not have your best interests, not because they don't want you to win in life, but because maybe no one showed them how to win, live, save money, etc... 

    If it's one thing I've learned this year, it is the fact that people who check on you, love you, and they do it out of love. When we were quarantined people reached out to those they cared about. They checked on them asked about their family and if they had enough to eat or needed supplies. I'm not in the business of impressing no one or living up to someone's standard. I want to grow in order to help others grow. I strategically plan and assess the things I want out of life and what will benefit those close to me. There's no dollar amount for mental stability and genuine love. Thus, you have to love who you are and what you do. The media will have you believe everything is falling apart but the reality is if you're not listening to the media or absorbing the fictitious content, your life is going the way you want it to go. In other words, you are in control of your actions and thoughts. 

2019 Thoughts

We often find ourselves moving accordingly, in the shadows, as we wait for a glimpse of the light. Steadily protecting ourselves as we move towards goals and fill the mind with aspirations of standing out amongst the many. Others may see things differently and they can, because that’s what makes us different. Who’s to say right is right or wrong is different from right? A choice, is a simple as Door #1, or Door #2. Even #3 or 4, a choice is a choice. Right? Just remember to love yourself in life. To be honest, you only have 1 time to die, so make the best of the many days you live. Choose your plan, evaluate your plan and execute. If you fail try again, hell, try something new if you want!! Don’t be afraid to live and always enjoy proving the doubters wrong!!

-FLOETSPEAR

The Person You Can't Tell No

THE PERSON YOU CAN’T TELL NO

Well hello fellow reader. As I figured, you’d dive into this hotbed of conspiracy and curiosity. This title has a lot hidden in its message doesn’t it…? Shall we continue? Everyone has one right? Yes, of course I am speaking of that person you can not tell no. Even if you’re seeing someone, serious with someone, married etc... There’s that one that you would have a bit of trouble saying no to huh? Yea, I thought you’d have someone in mind by now. Some of us even have more than one, but let’s just keep it simple for the sake of our own guilt, if there is any.

It’s no lie, humans are special creatures who experience temptations, emotional gratification, sensations that are intriguing or ignited by desires and past experiences. That’s it right there isn’t it? That past experience because to be honest why cant you say no to them? What is it about them? Was it the conversations, the time spent, the trials and tribulations, the sex? Sometimes just a simple fragrance or song maybe? Be honest think about it? Who is that person you couldn’t say no to right now. If they said they wanted to see you this weekend? Whether it was good or bad, or even if you knew you could or shouldn’t. Some live right there on the edge of that thrill hill. Some disregard it and eat the regret in the latter part of life. I wonder what happens when they know you cant say no or better yet they can’t say no either?

We often hear, there should be no regrets in life, don’t waste time, enjoy every moment, you only get one shot at life. What about right and wrong? What about following your heart? Does the heart even need to play a role if everything things comes naturally or even seems normal? The reality is we create our own realities. Social media can allow people who have been distant or irrelevant in our day to day activities, become a prevalent threat to your new life and even family. Someone you thought you’d never see again or who was committed to someone else becomes single and ready to mingle. Perhaps you end up single as well. Are the strong any different from the weak and vice versa?

Trust this has nothing to do with the grass on the other side. This involves something a bit deeper. Almost inexplicable, if you will. These are bonds that have been developed and strengthened for years even when each of you have been far apart. Keep in mind,we control the pen in our life’s story,  just as the mind does the body. Our thoughts lead to our actions and desires interfere with harsh realities. The sad truth is most actions were already thought out or dreamed of even. A false sense of a 2nd chance or an unwritten rule that places desired choices above the guaranteed consequences. This is no place for faith because all rules are barred when it comes to this uncontrollable submission. Most even like it and the thought of it. Are you alive in that truth? Does the truth set you free?

What is it that makes you not be able to say no? This is a question for you not me.

-Floetspear
2019

Feeding off of Pain to Adapt to Life

     The thought of this title comes from a question my wife asked me last week. The question was, "why do you keep watching Sons of Anarchy every time it comes on TV when you've seen it so many times?" And it was true, if I saw an episode on the AUDHD channel late at night then, the next two weeks I would end up binge watching the entire show from the point of where that episode left off. Of course, I enjoyed the show and I used to hold my true thoughts inside but I told her the real reason I would watch the show over. To Feed off of the Pain was the reason. I found a sense of reality from the hurt in the show. The lies and consequences that came with the deceit. The people, friends, and family that were lost through out the day to day of the club (Life), touches you in a way. Especially, if you've lost close ones and dealt with lies and people you love guiding you down certain paths or blocking parts of the truth. The main character Jax or Jackson Teller had a heart of gold but had to survive around wolves and was burdened with the legacy of a Father whose shoes he could never fill. Meanwhile, having a deceitful mother who loved the best way she knew how too. Not saying my mom was Jemma but she could go Jemma if needed as most mothers can I'm sure.

     Growing up in a two parent household with a garage, dad built a dirt basketball court for me, taught me how to pitch, fish, field a ground ball and most importantly hold and open the door for women. I had a go-kart and my dad even built a track in a field behind the house, my little sister had her toys and clothes and all of the things girls like growing up before becoming a teenager. My mother was an office manager of Wilder and Gregory Law Firm which was in the Merrill Lynch building in the heart of Downtown Richmond, Va. Pops was a Manager at Crown Cork and Seal before it became Orbist. Dad was also a bike rider and a strong member of his motorcycle club Thunder Road. I had never experienced any struggle that I knew of before becoming a teenager. Life was good. I had a neighborhood full of friends and cousins and we stayed playing something outside. I played baseball started as an out fielder then became a pitcher by middle school. My sister was a cheerleader since kindergarten basically and the biggest issue for us was who got the remote to the TV after getting off the bus as latchkey kids. As I said life was good.

     When I became a teenager, I started to listen to the arguments my parents had just as any kid does and started to realize there was some other issues going on. As a 13 year-old kid, I had a couple of girlfriends in the past few years so you have an idea of when the vibe is good or bad if you will, from a young teenager's point of view anyway. Long story short, Mom and Dad began to spend less and less time together some Dad wouldn't come home before I went  to sleep and probably didn't come home those nights in some cases. Most kids never know who to blame but who really does? Shit just doesn't work out sometimes right! It goes like that sometimes, more often then none these days.

     Fast forward to a separation and a relocation with Mom, sister, and I. The emotional stress of not seeing Dad everyday eventually becomes, "why haven't I seen dad", to "awh well I'll see him when I see him." From a popular country kid to an outsider living in the North-side of Richmond at 15 and 16, I had to become a man quicker than normal. I have to thank my cousins for introducing me to a 21 year-old Northsider who knew the streets but played the game accordingly. From the shadows. He had the book and the street smarts and kept me out of the streets as much as he could anyway. When he couldn't, he just showed me how to move and I'll never forget you for that L-Boogie. I still would skip school, though wait till school was out and call him, ready to ride. It was a rush for me to ride around the city with the big rims on the car and 12" speakers in the trunk. Cash Money was big at the time, Black Rob's album, Shine, Rough Riders, and The Dynasty by Jay-Z was out. All night on Broad St. when you could ride up and down and park on the street watching all the cars and girls doing the same thing. Not a care in the world and only $20 to my name at the time, chillin'!! That's an entire story in itself those days, all love no pain baby.

    Years go by and by this time, I had already failed 11th grade in a Southside public school because of so many missed days. We had an apartment which was less than a quarter mile from Huguenot High School so it was a small walk to the store for Dutches and Richmond City Schools didn't exactly notify parents when their kids missed school. This was a bad habit I had picked up from John Marshall High School (99'-00'), showing up for Homeroom counted as a full day in North Side but on the South Side the teachers kind of kept a better count of who was and who was not showing up for school. I had moved back to the county, my mom had her issues, lost her job and eventually I was coming home at night to a house with no electricity. I just continued to sell, why not all of my people around me were selling and some even selling and using unfortunately. With in no time the world was falling down around me. My sister had already moved in with our grandmother and my Dad had his own spot but I stayed with mom because of the freedom. Cliche' of how my son enjoys his mom because it's a bit more freedom than being with "Pops" who just wants to make sure you get the discipline and guidance a young man needs. That freedom, led to a downward spiral as I didn't really look up to anyone or had a male role model at the age of 19. I just did what I wanted day to day but at night you have to deal with your reality, we all do!

     Eventually, by my mid twenties I had lost my dad to a bike accident, friends to the street life and family to drugs and prison. I learned that the smart people learn from their mistakes but the wise learn from others mistakes. I consider myself to be one of those wise individuals as I could see the outcome for my future if I were to continue on the path I was on. My son was 3 years old at this time and as far as the dope game, I realized that no matter how smart I was or cautious you cant account for when that close friend or "good customer" gets caught and gives you up, then comes back the next day and buys double of what he purchased yesterday. Besides I wanted to make sure my son never had to look at me through a window or prison bars. That's the inevitable end game for the street hustler, if he isn't killed or getting high on his own supply.

     I found an escape in a small apartment me and my now wife rented in a neighboring county and I began to meet a different group of people as I got deeper in the Poker underground community. After while, I would mask the pain of my losses by hosting my own Poker game which kept people around me all the time. Being alone would only enhance the memories of people I would no longer see or not see for a while. Thoughts of my future were dim during the 07' - 09' years. I was definitely living day to day for sure. The false sense of security had set in for a 25 year old who had inherited a life insurance policy and a portion of a wrongful death settlement. It didn't take long to figure out that money couldn't buy happiness or peace for that matter. That's why I enjoy my books and self evaluations today because of the mindset that can be built if you work on learning your emotional worthwhile and what you want out of life. You really can create your own world inside of your head. This will help you accomplish your goals that you will set when you figure out what it is you want to do.

     I still embrace the pain from the loss of a father and trials of close ones but, death helped me understand life owes and guarantees nothing or no one! Though I don't morn when other people lose their loved ones, I understand what it is to endure the pain they will soon face and I make it a purpose to show up for them at funerals now because, I knew what it meant to me. Seeing those I loved there for my dad when I exited the Church. Today, the sound of a Harley Davidson starting is a bitter sweet euphoria that cuts and soothes at the same time, with one or the other lingering depending on how the day is going. I see people's day to day struggles often consuming the weak minded and I pray for them in my personal sanctuary. Attempts to give guidance and advice will fall by the wayside of the uneducated and hardheaded who cant seem to realize their choices are why they suffer the given consequences. The harsh reality of trying to educate a teenager about what lies ahead oftentimes gets frustrating because they haven't lived long enough to understand how choices can effect their lives and those around them.

     A false sense of life is portrayed on social media apps and video games but it's rare for most to see the hurt behind filtered smiles. I like to remind myself of the pain of coming home to no electricity or the feeling of hopelessness walking into a grandparent's house as a boomerang young adult whose failures makes them come back home and reset their lives. I also know now there's nothing wrong with failing. Remember that!!
Staring out the window of a 42nd floor hotel looking across the bright lights of Atlantic City's Adult playground at 25 years-old brought the same euphoria and loneliness even with a bankroll built up to $14,000 locked in a safe. The morning view became a humbling experience as the clouds surrounded the top of the Borgata Casino and Spa and that is where the thought of pursuing the college degree, my mother and father wanted so much for me to achieve, came from. "I knew you you could do it baby" is what my mom always told me. Thus, led to a career and drive that has propelled me to where I am today mentally and physically. This a blog not an autobiography from a celebrity, I'm still check to check lmao... Just keep reading.

     Pain can be used as strength and when there's a certain level of tolerance for it, I often find different ways to tap into it to remind me of the times when I thought life would never get better. It may seem odd to some but others can relate, trust me. A part of you is forever removed from feeling anything, while the other part is forever grateful of the people around us today.
Of course,  I would like to say I use other ways for empowerment in 2019, as I find myself reading books, listening to podcasts and sharing conversations with wise and successful people. Which is true but, sometimes I remind myself not to get too comfortable by stabbing at a piece of those emotions that brings that pain to the surface, just as a person with a complexed mental, who needs to inflict physical pain upon themselves at times. My infliction of pain is done mentally though and ultimately healed with success along with the prayer to the man upstairs. Just my thoughts...

-Floetspear

Living Your Dreams, Literally!

This post derives from a recent dream I had where my late father visited me. This, marked the 5th time I believe, he's visited me in my dreams since he passed in 2007 from a motorcycle incident. This particular dream I remembered vividly when I woke up in the middle of the night, but when I thought back on it the next day I couldn't remember the details. Frustrated, I tried to relax and think back on the conversation and location but I couldn't unlike the previous ones. From that moment I decided that I would write down the next one.

Thinking more in depth on the subject, I figured why not write down any powerful dream or any dream where I visited a place I haven't been to before. Of course we are all familiar with deja vu. I do agree with the theory, we experience deja vu because we've dreamed it before. We obviously know we've never been or done something that just struck us with the feeling of "I've been here before". I can say, I've experienced these shocking and briefly eery moments from time to time. A couple, I can almost pinpoint to a dream for sure.

What I plan to do now and encourage you the reader to do as well, is write down the experiences and locations you visit in your dreams. This, can create a "Dream Bucket List" or allow you to recall powerful dreams you've had along with any ideas from your subconscious. You will literally be able to live your dreams now because you can pull locations and ideas from the list you have created.
WHAT WILL BE YOUR FIRST DREAM YOU LIVE?

-FLOETSPEAR

Experiencing an acquired craving for knowledge

The brain is constantly working just as the computer inside your phone or laptop. It never shuts off. The idea behind the title of my post derives from me completing a book and then craving more information on the next topic or an idea the last book placed in my head. According to one study the average reader only takes 20% from content they read.. Same goes for movies, or shows, about 20% of the authors, producers, or playwriter's info sticks to the viewer or reader etcc.. This tells me that I need to get 5 books my belt in a sense to get each of the 20% that stuck with me to equal 100% right? Well, maybe if the 5 books were all on the same topic but when you're craving knowledge, it doesn't matter where it comes from. I've been reading about the subconscious mind lately and in contrast with the 20% of a book sticking with me,  I've learned that if you read the book for a 2nd and 3rd time then the likelihood of more of the message sticking increases. Not only with the message or idea stick with you better, but if you want to create an action behind a thought that's has grown from a book, the rereading will plug the message into your subconscious mind. There, is where the memory bank is unlimited.. The conscious mind has only a temporary memory. Basically, this means you can focus on one thing you want to do today, complete it, but then the subconscious mind will reset your plans tomorrow if this new focus is out of the norm.

Over the past few months, I didn't realize I was reprogramming my suncosubcons mind to promote and encourage my own personal growth. The more I learned about any new topic became exciting to me. I couldn't wait to share it with the world and friends. The dialogue of conversations changed with peers and elders and I had plenty of content to bounce off of the experienced and doer's of the world. This became inspiring to me. I turned to books when normally I would turn to video games or close friends that would talk about problems more than opportunities. We all have friends like that. It's good to vent and lend an ear at times but some days you just don't want to hear the same depressing stories. In order to gain knowledge or learn new things you have to go outside of your normal circle and day to day family members. Chances are y'all have already discussed the same info or touched on the same topic over the years. Instead, go to your aquaintances for new information. It will be way more beneficial especially if youryo looking for new ideas or even employment.
For the 20% of this post I would recommend rereading or going over something you've learned or are trying to implement in your life. This will give you a better chance of getting the information and focus to stick to your subconscious mind.

--FLOETSPEAR

Are smart phones the new cigarette?

Each day you see that smoker who always seems to have that slow burning nicotine, or cancer stick as some of us say, in their right or left hand. Many times a day do we have our cell phones in our hands a day? Don't read too much into the title, it's a bold one but it did its job as you are getting deeper into the thought of.. Some starting to give themselves excuses of why or how a smartphone doesn't smell your clothes up or can kill you.. First sign of addiction right? I'll be honest, I'm typing on my mobile device now. I'm not immune to the new age technology. Let's just think about it in general. Are Mobile devices the new cigarette? Now what do you think?

As we live our lives and continue through our days we tend to sit and grab that Smartphone with its great Graphical User Interface and quick operating system. Almost craving to see what's happening or what's going on outside of our own lives. It's a strong addiction isn't? I'm writing now as the title came to my mind and the thought of me wasting a good topic, became too much for me to let sit in my head.

I just honestly wanted to take a break from the laptop and studying. My recent vlog about the importance of resting and reflecting came to mind. So, I closed the laptop thinking I would relax and watch some TV. Then, not only did I reach for my phone but, this blog idea came to my mind as I was getting ready to basically do the same thing I was just telling myself to take a break from.

I enjoy writing, I enjoy telling my stories and sharing my experiences. It's interesting that whatever you're doing or into at the time can become a part of you. For example, the love for writing and my current studies of computer courses all syncing together with a crazy thought such as the thought of…

"Cell phones being the new cigarette!!"

I am either pretty tired or on to something here... Let’s see, you can look at it for too long and hit a tree or run off the road when driving, which can cause bodily harm or death. As smokers, we do keep a pack on us just as we keep the phone in our pockets or handbag. Eventually you’re going to pull one out and if it’s frowned upon on a “company’s dime” or something of that nature, you’ll just step out for a moment or seclude yourself for a couple of hits!! Addicted yet? Of course not, we’ll put it out for now, we’ll actually offer our apologies.. Sooner or later we’ll need another drag though!!

Cell phones are the new cigarette!

--FLOETSPEAR

Stretching Yourself with Tasks.. Success Driven

I've read that the successful ones can multitask and juggle all kinds of jobs, while prioritizing what needs to be put at the top and which doings can be taken care of after. I believe I'm starting to understand the meaning of testing your capacity. Four months into this new journey I have found myself hosting a men's empowerment group two days after beginning my first post in a Master's course discussion board. My son has just been given a platform for his live stream for gamers as he steps into the media path of most millennials in these times we currently live in. The wife has grown to new heights in her business, we’ve spent more days and time together with erasing schedules and enjoying dinner dates often. My mother calls me everyday almost now and I contact and visit my grandmother a lot more than usual as her eyes began to weaken. The knowledge and experience I've had seems to find it's way to the ears of young relatives now as well as they search for their paths. I spoke with a business owner and his wife today and offered my services in Media Marketing as they plan to retire in the near future. Surprisingly my sales pitch did not fall short of a success as I plan to create a business page for the restaurant and hopefully increase their business through ads and other marketing strategies learned from mentors and Tai Lopez, giving credit where credit is due. Tomorrow a new day begins as we move forward with the "job's" daily 8 hr routine then back home to be husband, father, and now student once again. Everything seems to move faster than normal but I'm confused by this calmness that has settled in me with so much going on. I can feel the stretch of the endeavors and I reflect on readings that stated I should get used to being pulled from all ends if I want to grow. I look at what's ahead and my imagination takes over. I put it in writing then my strategic planning does the rest while my motivation feeds my dedication!!
--FLOETSPEAR

Bobby Tee vs. Borgata The 2009 File Declassified

My first time playing poker I would have to say I was 8 or 9 years old. During the summer, the family would head down to the river house on every other weekend or so, out of the school break. There, my sister and I along with a couple of our older cousins would play “I de-clare-war” with an old deck from the adult’s previous late night "bidwiz" and spades card game. My older cousin D.W. was actually the one to show us how to play. I used his initials because my poker crew would give me hell about it for life.

Fast forward from 1994 to May 14, 2009. I’m 25 years old on I-95, 10pm heading from Mechanicsville, VA to Atlantic City, NJ. I felt I had a good 7 years of local play plus had visited the Borgata a couple of weeks prior to this trip. Not to mention I ran my own game and called the venue (Guest bedroom) the “Vellagio” for the previous 18 months. We still play with the clay chips from the first ever game I hosted.

 

Anyway, 25 and on I-95 with the cruise control set on 78mph. Riding low in an all black 2006 Dodge Stratus, with the brand-new Garmin GPS just picked up from Best Buy earlier in the day. I had the radiator flushed and the fluids topped off with new spark plugs put in too. I figured if I left around 9:30pm it should be a smooth 5 hr drive with one stop at the Maryland House for a quick bathroom break and stretch the legs a bit. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous. Not for the fact of sitting with the more aggressive and experienced poker players, but for the simple reason this was my first time going this far by myself. This is what led to the numerous precautions with the car and GPS including getting the AAA roadside coverage as well. Two suitcases packed, a carton of cigarettes, jewelry, shoes and clothes all in the trunk. The blazers hanging from the hook above the backseat on the passenger side. Hotel Room was booked and the girlfriend was okay with me leaving for a few days. $4,000 cash in the bank envelope stuffed in my suit case and five $100 bills in my pocket as loose change. Another $500 was left with my ol’ lady, you know, for shopping or food, get your hair done or something. Basically the, “I’ll be gone for a couple of days money...”

About 80% of the way the GPS took me through the country side of town. Only about an hour away and it was a nice and smooth ride with the Ipod on random, playing the new hits and windows down. The anxiety slowing building as I often glanced at the GPS to see the number of miles left before arrival. Finally, I hit the GPS directed me to the Atlantic City Expressway, now I know I’m almost there. One last call home to inform Jesse that I was about 15 minutes from the Borgata Casino and Spa. The GPS read 5 minutes away and there it was. The East Coast’s sin city lights lit up the night sky!! I was here all the way by myself no rules and no body to tell me when, where, or what. The adult’s playground as some would call it. I missed the Borgata entrance exit off of the 1 Borgata Way’s rt… Needless to say I didn’t care I was here anyway. After turning around, I entered the Parking deck and went up and drove until I could find a parking spot close to the door.  Got all of my immediate belongings and ID, cell phone, etc… Coming up to the elevator from the parking deck with one of my suitcases and ear buds in my ear, it was grind time. Nothing reminds you more of where you are at then hearing that elevator say “Casino” as you prepare to step out.

The fresh smell of the deodorizing smoke scent which I will always remember, the Borgata smell, hits you like a breath of fresh air for any gambler. The sound of hundreds of people talking and yelling, with the constant clinging of the slot machines which does mesmerize the tourist or first time visitors.  The foot traffic was still steady even on a Thursday night or 2 am Friday morning I should say. I headed past the shops and onto the Casino floor making a right, passing the Elevator lobby and to the front desk check in. I had already called 30 minutes prior and told them I was coming in town early and wanted to see if I could check in before 6 am. “Of course, Mr. Taylor we have a room for you all set up.” I had learned in my last two trips that confidence is everything when speaking to the front desk clerks. Two keys were handed to me after I presented my ID and credit card. Up to the 42^nd floor I went. I believe it was the 42^nd or 43^rd but any way I had to go to the farthest elevator on the left side of the elevator lobby. I really like how they had an armed security guard standing watch at the lobby doors as well. You had to present your key to even get by to get to your rooms. Eventually I would know the guards by name after greeting them every morning but let’s not get too far ahead. Opening the room door and putting the suitcase down I had to walk to the window to look at the view of the Oceanfront Casinos. I was finally here. At the moment I said a little prayer and talked to my dad letting him know I missed him and to forgive me for the stuff I was ready to get into downstairs. I removed the money from my suitcase adding another 500 to what was in my pocket and put the rest in a safe that was in the closet. I put on my Georgetown sweatshirt with my “VA” hat and hit the $1/2 blinds NL Holdem’ table. Max buy in $300 so I bought in $300 in chips.

 

 I played for about an hour and a half before the road trip began to wear on me. The hot cocoa with whip cream had gave me a little bit of energy but it was time to head back to the room and get some rest!!  May have been up or down but it didn’t matter I was tired at that point. I think I sat peering out of the room window for about another 20 minutes as the cars and lights lit the sky up. Then I proceeded to kickback and relax.

The next morning, I hopped up and dialed room service and ordered some pancakes with bacon and eggs to start the morning off right. I pulled back the curtains and all you could see was fog since I was forty-two floors up. After eating I figured I’d go down to the spa and relax in the hot tub by the pool. Definitely a great way to start your gambling day with some poolside action. Once again, I reached out to room service with the phone by the towel area and tried to order a grey goose and vodka. Grey goose wasn’t on the room service menu according to them so, I settled for the Ketel One instead. Not too bad with pineapple juice, slice of orange, lemon and a lime. Breakfast of champions for me sipping by the pool and preparing for the war that lies ahead on the felt.

 

After an hour of relaxation. It was time to hit the poker tables. I would play till about 4 or 5 pm then get some lunch either there or some where out on the ocean front. Some days I would hit the Hooters in the Tropicana and then enjoy a cigarette watching the waves crash on the beach. Then after I’d proceed back to the Borgata and play more poker. That was the routine throughout that weekend. Friday and Sunday nights were for the Club inside the Borgata. Club Mur Mur was a pretty happening spot on those nights as the Jersey and Philadelphia locals would pack the casino in their finest clothing. That’s one thing about the casino life I enjoyed and that was from Thursday to Monday morning everyday seemed like a Friday night! For a twenty-five-year-old young man, it was where you wanted to be if you enjoyed the sights, sounds, and party atmosphere.

The weekend hits and my buddy Wes showed up. Wes always had a love for the game of poker and respected it the same as the infamous Phil Hellmuth (Las Vegas Poker Pro). Needless to say, he reacts to bad beats the same as Phil too.

 

Wes was the first player I noticed early who actually studied the game or would do research on different topics. For example, throwing the dice in a “V”, with the 3 dots showing on the top of both die and meeting in shape of a “V” when you bring them side by side.

 

He brought a couple of books about Black Jack and a poker book by Barry Greenstein or Phil Hellmuth with him as well.  At the time I thought it was a little much but hey, to each their own. Looking back at it why not study or research anything? It’s all good information even when gambling. I used him as my book when it came to the Casino experience. He was the first to have introduced me to the city and he had the experience with the players. One of the first things he reminded me of is that the poker games there never end. What I mean is that basically when you’re tired it’s okay to get up. At that point in my life before the casino games I had always stayed at any game until it ended. Win or lose I would always play until the morning or the game broke at a friends or underground games throughout the Richmond City areas. With that being said we hit the tables and had a pretty good time. I recall the time we sat at the Black Jack table and found a nice $10 minimum section. Wes always looked for the Asian section because that's where the table minimums were the lowest. Sometimes we even found $5 min tables throughout the weekdays. The drinks had been flowing all day as it was late on a weekend night so still a good crowd throughout. This particular table we ended up being at a table where it was just us verse the dealer. I’m thinking let’s go to a table with some more people to enjoy the crowd he was thinking our odds just went up and it’s us vs. the dealer. With a $10 minimum it was easy to save your money when you didn’t “feel it” on a particular hand. With that and a few other strategies we had things began to go pretty well. We even had a dealer come over by the name of Lynette which is the name of my mother and sister. Once I told him that he immediately said, “it’s a good sign Rob it’s going to be a great shoe" (Shoe: Black jack term for a device where the decks of cards are held before the dealer rolls them out to the players).

 

We played at that table for about 2 hours before some random pit boss walks up and says that there closing the table after the shoe finished. I was thinking okay no problem sir, still being a rookie of the game and new comer, I had no idea that they were watching us win for the last hour and a half. We didn’t win 100,000 dollars or anything but we did have a couple a piece. Wes on the other hand was like, “wow Rob they’re shutting the table down on us dude.” We hit them for bout 4 thousand or so between the 2 of us. Not a bad night, especially for a couple of poker players playing at the $1/2 or $2/5 limit Holdem tables. After that hit he squared away his half of the money for the room and from that point on it was a free roll for us.

The game plan was set after we built up some hours at the tables. Of course, we were comped a few things through the trip as well. Ultimately the plan became to use my two complimentary nights Monday and Tuesday, then we’d used his two complimentary nights for Wednesday and Thursday. Friday, Sat, and Sunday would be paid from the winnings from throughout those 4 free days. Wes had a paper route back in Richmond, VA so he had to return to work for a couple of days then he would pop back up on Wednesday night and we’d do it all over again. I arrived at the Borgata May 14^th, 2009 and I returned July 2^nd, 2009. The swings were tremendous and the experience was so exciting I couldn’t put it all in one blog entry so, Look for Part 2!! Coming soon.

-FLOETSPEAR

 

Bobby Tee vs Borgata
2009 Files Declassified Pt.1 

 

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