As a person in an interracial relationship I wanted to share some of the views and experiences that these couples endure. In addition, I want the reader to reflect and share their thoughts as well. The "interracial couple" has always existed and has always been scrutinized in some shape or form. It was only a few years ago that big company's and marketing teams started running their ads with the interracial family in the forefront. With the social injustice and hate crime topics circulating around the world and into the homes of the masses, only the ones living within the interracial homes will have to mind the different opinions and views. Obviously, one will relate to the other and some will beg to differ on some topics but at the end of the day the truth is the truth and right is right and wrong is wrong, however you slice it.
I met my wife in 2006 and I had dated outside of my race but nothing really serious enough to have anyone meet the parents, etc... As an African American male in high-school, I kept a girlfriend or female friend. In most cases they were all African American. In my school there were no where near as many blacks as there were whites but everyone seemed to have gotten along. This was a small single-A school at the time, located in Virginia, about 15 miles outside of Richmond, Va. I recall a Valentine's day in the 7th grade where I briefly called a white girl my girl friend and I was her boyfriend. I brought her several roses and some chocolates too. Well my mom bought me some chocolates and some flowers and I took them to school to share with my new friend. She was very pretty at the time and I wasn't getting along with any of my exes so hey seemed right to me. It wasn't until another 15 years or so that she told me how the black girls had given her a hard time about receiving the flowers and being my girlfriend. Moreover in the later years the black girls she referred to recalled the situation and stated their opinion, or jealousy, about the relationship as well. I had no issues with it personally, but it was interesting to hear from both sides and how they felt. Thinking back, I could have been in the company of a lot more white girls but whose to say they weren't avoiding the negative vibes and drama from the black girls in the school.
These occurrences more than likely took place on both sides as well as in other schools and around the world. As kids, we were in many cases, oblivious to these behind the scene gestures and actions. Born in the 80's, and watching 90's shows, we were used to seeing Shows like "Saved by Bell", "Boy Meets World", 'Family Matters", "Full House", "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", "90210", "A Different World", "Married with Children", "Martin" etcc... Movies like "Clueless", "A Bronx Tale", "Boyz in the Hood", "Menace to Society" etc... They each had their own version of what life was and who hung out with who. There were pretty white actors and pretty black actors. Men could easily be attracted to both of the movie's or show's main characters. We never thought, as we got older, that we would only be able to choose the companion who resembled our own complexion. Or that it was frowned upon by others as opposed to saying we were only able to date within our race. I loved Kelly Kaposki and Lisa Turtle in "Saved by the Bell." Then, there was Stacey Dash in "Clueless" and "Topanga" in "Boy Meets World." I found all of them to be very attractive. At school, we made certain girls out to be the filler for the TV stars we watched at home. In my case, most of the black girls were cousins or distant relatives so that didn't leave many options.
By the time I was 15, my parents had already separated so we moved to the city. In the public schools in the city there weren't many whites at all. In fact, there weren't any outside of the special needs classes. I had no problem with the black girls as a light skinned African American. I say that to say this, there I developed a mental attachment to the black females, opposing anything outside of them. This was merely derived from my surroundings as I had grown up with the whites being the more prevalent race in the county. When I moved back to graduate from the county, I still had the city mentality, so I missed a lot of the good get-togethers and old friendships, as I had unknowingly been brainwashed into believing I was "too cool" or wasn't wanted in the other crowds. This was all wrong as I had been liked by all before I moved to the city. Till this day, I'm sure some old friends found me to be a little different or distant when I came back. Now 36, with a white wife, living in 2020 in Virginia, during the Pandemic, and in the extended fight for Social Injustice, along with it being an Election year it has definitely brought up some topics on Social Media and within the household. I can't see how these conversations or Facebook videos would have missed other's houses as well.
Make no mistake racism is real and it's not just a black and white thing, nor is is a brown or yellow thing, and so on. Within the interracial couple's experiences you'll have family members and acquaintances that do not approve of your significant other. This is relevant at family gatherings, family members birthdays and other events. The disrespect from others is talked about within the couple's household as well. Many times it's brushed off with comments like, "they're old school" or "dont worry about it, she or he has always been like that." The fact of the matter is it's wrong and makes people uncomfortable thus, resulting in family avoiding family because of how they've made your significant other feel. Family will argue with family as well as learn the feelings of their loved ones who they've grown up with their entire life. "Why do you want to marry a white girl?," or "You couldn't find someone your dad or mom would approve of?" "You know the family is not going to approve of that colored boy, or that Indian girl, etc.." "I wouldn't tell your grandma that you're dating him yet, she's going to have a heart attack." These are the type of things people have to hear after choosing someone they want to be with. Who the hell are you to judge or question another's decision regarding who they love? These are the stigmas that need to be broken and addressed. In some cases, I've heard of families disowning a child because of them dating outside of their race. Cutting them out of family pictures and never speaking their names. In the last 15 years, I have seen a lot of interracial couples, babies and families. I've noticed many of us have similar couples as friends as well. Its like a group of interracial couples taking trips and having game nights together. I don't know whether its due to us experiencing the same things with our families or is it just because we wont have to worry about the comments and looks. I get the same bush league comments or vibes from some women just as I did in middle school. I am sure my wife has friends she grew up with who wonder why she dates a black man, and not a good ole boy with a big truck, who likes chewing "bacca." Or a white collared CEO or lawyer with an estate and 1000 shares of Capitol One stock inherited from a late relative or a PhD from Harvard. I'm referring to black and white when it comes to CEOs and graduates from Harvard. The fact of the matter is people like and love who they chose to like and love.
I like when the racists grandpa or grandma has to hold that colored or white baby in their arms and try not to love them. That's what breaks through the hatred that's been passed on through the generations. Recently, I've had the pleasure of reading Booker T. Washington's, "The Future of the American Negro", Carter G. Woodson's book, "The Mis-Education of the Negro", and The Collected Works of Frederick Douglass. In all of these books a lot of the settings were in my home state Virginia. Less than 200 years ago in many cases. I learned that "Massa" had no problem stating his claim to multiple female slaves in which they would often leave out of their "Big-house", plantation homes, to fornicate with the opposite race. Many times with the wife knowing and later whipping the female slave during daily encounters throughout the years. This is not to say some of the women didn't find the opposite race attractive as well, but none the less, interracial interaction has been around for quite some time. I am an African American with Indian in me, and I possess green eyes, so I'm fully aware of the interactions in that sense too. I've also learned, my Mom's maiden name Dungee originated from the Dungeness Colony in Europe. The Taylor side more then likely worked in the fields here in Virginia and along the East Coast. I say that to say this, my mom is light as day along with her father and his grandmother was white. We have been integrated with one another since the beginning of history. Moreover humans will remain to be human and fall for temptations and act on emotions. By the way, it turns out that Indians and Caucasians make some pretty good looking babies when it comes to my Great Great Grandparents. Powhatan clan. What's your view on the interracial couples?
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