He was Raised Right! Right?

The other day I said to my son, you know why most people aren't successful or winning? Because it's hard and it's tough. A lot of us don't like things or challenges that are hard. We don't go out of our way to get the best out of a lesson or task. Many of us like the roads that are easy or simple. This gives us the confidence of accomplishing something and being good at it. Not caring that it's something anyone can do. The same goes for any of you who hate your job but don't want to look for another one or add to your responsibilities to earn more for yourselves. 

I've looked at many of my peers and those who are successful had what some would consider a harder road than others, most of them anyway. Of course some have had a strong structured upbringing and focused guidance from parents or other figures in their lives. For the most part, many sacrifices have been made throughout their journey. It's a challenge to decipher what is right and what is wrong with raising a child, teenager, or young adult as each differs in their own way. A meme caught my eye on social media that showed two brothers sitting next to each other on a bench. The one on the left has a suit and tie on, portraying success with in a corporate world, obviously. Then, the one on the right, having holes in his jeans and a worn shirt etc., just a homely appearance with a bottle of alcohol in his hand. The quote on the picture read, "I became successful because my father was an alcoholic," and the quote for the homeless looking brother on the right read, "I became an alcoholic because my father was an alcoholic." This was a powerful post for me because both statements were true and both outcomes were from the same root, or practices of their father. 

So what is considered when someone makes the statement he was raised right? In my opinion this can be a combination of strategies and practices. Teaching the child good morals and ethics is the first step. As they get older, the challenges get harder, the talks become deeper, and opportunity for error is narrowed, both for the parent and the adolescent. A parent or parental figure has to recognize the strengths and weaknesses of their children and understand where to plug in the guidance and necessary help. Moreover, a message has to be delivered in a way the child can use the information to take another step forward, whether it's following a mistake or an accomplishment. It doesn't necessarily need to come from the heart either, it needs to come from a place of truth and honesty. A harsh reality some could say, but it also needs to be from a person who leads by example. The old saying goes, "Practice what you preach." "I'm the momma do and as I say, not as I do" is one too, but that's another story. 

Is there really a right or wrong way to raise someone? It seems that the necessary tools can be given to all but the ultimate test will be in the choices the child makes. Again choices are usually made based on assumptions, previous actions, atmosphere, peers, and even previous guidance to name just a few. One key thing one can do is make the child believe in himself. Don't be quick to assist or provide an immediate answer to a question, or resolution to a challenge that the children will face. Allow them and yourself to see what they can do on their own before you judge. They may just surprise you.