Lonely at the Top

You made it, finally. You have all the materialistic and ability to be comfortable in your own world. The trips, the dinners, the clear schedule, or full agenda book, to-do list, a little money to burn, even your physical health is good. Except, where are all of the people you started with, or where are the people you can trust? It's interesting as you begin your journey to success or having, what you or another person considers to be, a "good life", the amount of changes you have to make. Your close circle becomes smaller as your network grows. Associates become acquaintances, partners become friends and your old friends can become strangers. Even your family can seem distant. Not that you've done anything wrong, your path just changed, your mindset has altered.

Its a little hard to accept the fact that in order to build something you have to seperate from your norm. Meaning, removing yourself from friends and loved ones as you look onward to achieving whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. You hear it time after time, "you need to remove yourself from that crowd if you want something out of life." Or, "show me your friends, I'll show you your future." "You don't want to end up like them." "You working on a Sunday? "You need a real job." The title "Lonely at the Top" doesn't necessarily mean you have to be a boss or CEO to be at the top. You can be at the top of your game or in the best spot you've been in your life, and be at the top. I guarantee you lost a few close people getting there. Whether it's from personal choices or just time. Honestly, most of it is loss of time with people. Then, those who missed out on your time tend to take things personally. Not that you meant to miss engagements, sometimes there isn't enough time, or you're just not interested in that crowd anymore. New paths often create new hobbies as well. Or, you just have your agenda which occupied your time. Usually, it's not personal. Growth comes with change and you can't have one without the other, regardless of what they say. Whoever "they" are.

"They" say money can't buy happiness but you wouldn't believe how many millionaires are depressed. As we grow and manage endeavors and things that we enjoy or goals we set, it's easy to forget what even made us laugh or happy. Imagine having everything you prayed for or wanted and realizing it wasn't that important. It never was. Things we don't have just seem better when we don't have them, right? It's important to enjoy the things you do have and the people who are around not because of the things you have, but because they enjoy your company.

On the other hand, if you're around people who don't want anything out of life, your life can become routine, just a rerun of yesterday. Same people same stories, and sometimes even the same house. Continue to insert changes to your normal. Share those experiences with others and spend time with those you love and those who love you. This will fill any emotional emptiness you may experience on your rise, or at the top!

Review of the Future of the American Negro and Collected Works

   

    This is a review of several books and websites that have depicted the status of the Negro in the 1800s, 1900s, and present day. The books and websites include but are not limited to: The Future of the American Negro, by Booker T. Washington, Frederick Douglas's The Collected Works, and The Miseducation of the American Negro, by Carter G. Woodson. These readings have opened my eyes to many things that the K through 12 education leave out of their studies. It is hard for one to understand the challenges we face today without understanding the challenges and the "standards" that have been implemented and followed for the last 2 centuries. I am sure that most African Americans are unaware of the systemic practices that are ongoing and have been ongoing behind closed doors. I find myself growing fond of the HBCU alumni as they have learned the other side of the story that is omitted from the "ivy leagues" and "civilized" undergrad settings of higher learning.

    Booker T. Washington was an American educator, author, and adviser to multiple presidents of the United States. In his book he spoke of the relationships between the slave and slaveholders in the South, as well as the impact of freeing the slaves. One of the more interesting things I learned was how many of the slave owners and white women were unequipped to fend for themselves when it came to daily duties. Many of the caretaking responsibilities were done by the blacks including, cleaning, cooking, and even tending to infants. The blacks possessed these skills especially with the labor and pass it to their next of kin as the bonds of slavery continued overtime. Meanwhile, the whites became accustomed to not having to tend to the daily duties of keeping up their homes, farming their gardens, and even raising their children. From ploughing the gardens to building furniture by hand, these skills left the South in many cases when the slave learned of his freedom. The first 30 years following the Civil War was pretty tough for the Southerner. 

    Carter G. Woodson's "Miseducation of the American Negro" piggybacks similarities to the following of slavery and what blacks and whites endured as they learned to coexist in society. It's obvious many blacks left the south and looked for homes and work in the north, assuming it would be more of an opportunity for them but that wasn't always the case. In reality, most whites worked with blacks in the south and even would shop their goods. Blacks who provided sufficient work and goods within the community actually thrived in the south, even more then in the north. Many southerners believed that slavery should not have ended, but a lot of whites had no problem paying for services of blacks and even treated them like a human in some cases. In the north, education was available for the blacks but what was the use of Latin, and Greek Literature in regard to the American day to day living. 

    The entire time the Blacks possessed the laboring skills that would have succeeded in the factories, or industrial atmosphere. The problem was that it was okay for the blacks to work in the field and forest, picking cotton and cutting logs, but if a black were to follow the cotton into the factory we were turned around and not provided with the opportunity to work next to a white man. Try following the wood to the mill and you would also be turned around in the north as well. A black man (Eli Whitney) invented the cotton gin, but blacks could not work on or with the cotton gin. This was the way of the past but similar characteristics are still prevalent today when blacks employ blacks or when they ate put in a supervisory role. Woodson also spoke of former slaves not wanting to change their mentality out of fear or just because anything out of the norm to them was unknown territory. I.E. Blacks were used to entering through the back of an establishment and after slavery some businesses allowed entry the front for blacks. In many cases many blacks would still choose to enter through back and frowned at blacks who entered through front, often down talking them as if they think they are better or different from the other blacks. 

    Even today in many cases our own fellow brothers and sisters will knock each other for their accomplishments and achievements in life. Instead of supporting each other's rise, or road to success, we choose to slander them and not support one another's businesses. One who looks to leave a certain neighborhood and provide a better living for his family can be viewed as a sell out for leaving a neighborhood that the person himself does not even want to be a part of. Jealousy and hate consumes people because someone else had plans and goals to achieve something, when the entire time all that person needed to do was ask or take it upon himself to set his own goals and work towards them. One would rather dislike someone then asking how they achieved their accomplishments or ask them to share their story. 

    In addition to the blacks learning the Latin scriptures and European playwriters, etc... There were minimum opportunities for the educated negro in the South and North. Some blacks were able to take advantage of their skills and craftsmanship by building and selling furniture. Others opened stores within the community. One of the problems with the stores though was once one person saw someone's store was successful, the other would open a store right next to the original store. Now, revenue has been cut in half and the new store will never reach its full potential. When it came to the factories, when blacks finally made it in, we were paid less and worked twice as hard. There was one factory owner that conducted a study where he put an African American in a foreman's role overseeing a team of African Americans. What was discovered was that a majority of the blacks would listen to the white supervisor, but when it came to one of their own they would tend to be lazy and defiant. At times, challenging the black supervisor, or assuming he thought he was better than the workers under him. These actions are similar today as we tend to not support each others businesses or acknowledge accomplishments. We'll like a post about a business but wont share it with our social following. We may even judge the business or look for the flaws as opposed to congratulating and motivating that person. 

    Now the Frederick Douglass Collected Works, has been a bit hard to read as he recalls his life from a 5 year-old and on up to adulthood. The plantation he was on was in my home state Virginia. Slaves were beaten for the smallest of things such as a horse not walking right, or a horse appearing to be hungry, etc... The lashings would draw blood upon striking the slaves skin and some slave owners would beat their slaves daily as if it was an after meal practice. As a child born into slavery it was common that the child was separated from his mother and raised on another plantation or by an elder woman on opposites sides of the plantation until he or she was able to work in the fields. Children often were not provided pants or shoes and walked the plantations with just a long shirt. Adults usually had 1 pair of jeans, one shirt, and shoes maybe, some two outfits for the entire year. They all slept on damp floors and Frederick spoke of using whatever he could for a blanket at night. Slaves worked from sunrise to sunset everyday of the week except Sundays. And never worked the week of Christmas at this plantation. Eventually Frederick was allowed to go to Maryland as a young boy and be under the care of another Slaveholder who's wife didn't treat slaves like they did in Virginia and other southern states. There the Slaveowners wife would began teach Frederick how to read. Starting form learning the alphabet to completing sentences. He spoke of how excited he was to be learning and how it became a double edge sword because he began to learn how cruel it was to enslave another human. In addition, he learned how poorly blacks were treated and the opportunities slaves never knew about or would ever know. 

    Eventually the slaveholder in Maryland, Mr. Hugh I believe his name was, found out his wife was teaching Frederick how to read and forbid it. Not because he didn't want him to learn, but because he worried about the consequences of someone finding out that they taught him as well as Frederick learning his and other blacks status in the country. Frederick said after she stopped teaching him to read he would challenge his white friends with in the community by saying he could write better then them or knew more words. That would cause them to share what they knew as if it was a game and he would learn from them each day. At times when he had to go into town he would leave early coming and going in order to secure reading materials and read during his travels. In his late teens Mr. Hugh fell ill and Frederick was returned to the violent slaveowner's possession and plantation in Virginia. This he states was his first time being treated like a slave as he was now older and had chores in the fields. He recalled his first beating after returning from Maryland, and how his head was whelped and the whelps on his back where blood poured out fluently. This was the beginning of him setting in his mind a plan to flee back to the north or even further for his freedom.   

    Today the black culture is different from the 1800's as we aren't afraid to go for our dreams and learn what we choose to learn, and believe what we want to believe. It was interesting to read writings from actual slaves and get a deeper understanding of their day to day activities. I cannot imagine living in those situations though. Frederick and Charles detailed similar feelings from the whites, when it came to them not wanting blacks to learn or the fear that they posed a threat. Rightfully so, as many historians depicted a different story than just chains and cleaning "Massa's" house. A lot of knowledge, inventions, and life altering advancements were made by people of color throughout the world since the beginning of recorded history, even before then. You wouldn't want the plan to be altered after so many years of inferior teachings would you, that would confuse everyone, so they say. 

Review of Living Together Living Apart

    While taking my vacation at the end of the summer this year, I was listening to a Tidewater radio station on my way to North Carolina. The speaker's topic at the time was the segregation within the communities and cites. A former councilman even joined the broadcast and spoke about "blockbusting" as well. At the time I had never heard of Blockbusting, which is the practice of persuading owners to sell property cheaply because of the fear of people of another race or class moving into the neighborhood, and thus profiting by reselling at a higher price. The speaker stated that realtors would higher black women to walk through white communities with their babies and baby strollers periodically throughout the week. The goal was to get white owners to sell and move out in order to entice the black buyers to come in and buy at a higher rate. Even the banks would loan blacks money with a higher interest rate than that which was offered for whites.

    Ever hear the saying, "that used to be a nice neighborhood?" Understand, it did not "used to be" nice because a couple of black families moved in. In fact , those families that moved in were usually middle class blacks with good jobs. It wasn't until all of the whites have moved out and the banks have raised the prices so high for the blacks, to where most are evicted and the banks allow the low incomes in the neighborhoods and then the crime rates spike from there. Blacks and whites with low incomes now flood the neighborhood and well, "that used to be a nice neighborhood." These practices were supposed to be against the law following the passing of 1968 Housing Act, which expanded on previous acts and prohibited discrimination concerning the sale, rental, and financing of housing based on race, religion, national origin, sex, handicap and family status. In addition, the Title VIII of the Act is also known as the Fair Housing Act. Let's just say just because something is changed in writing doesn't mean it is applied in the real world.  Norfolk’s segregation didn’t happen by accident. It happened by design, guided by powerful people and institutions (THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT). 

For more on this topic check out: Livingtogetherlivingapart.com/media 

He was Raised Right! Right?

The other day I said to my son, you know why most people aren't successful or winning? Because it's hard and it's tough. A lot of us don't like things or challenges that are hard. We don't go out of our way to get the best out of a lesson or task. Many of us like the roads that are easy or simple. This gives us the confidence of accomplishing something and being good at it. Not caring that it's something anyone can do. The same goes for any of you who hate your job but don't want to look for another one or add to your responsibilities to earn more for yourselves. 

I've looked at many of my peers and those who are successful had what some would consider a harder road than others, most of them anyway. Of course some have had a strong structured upbringing and focused guidance from parents or other figures in their lives. For the most part, many sacrifices have been made throughout their journey. It's a challenge to decipher what is right and what is wrong with raising a child, teenager, or young adult as each differs in their own way. A meme caught my eye on social media that showed two brothers sitting next to each other on a bench. The one on the left has a suit and tie on, portraying success with in a corporate world, obviously. Then, the one on the right, having holes in his jeans and a worn shirt etc., just a homely appearance with a bottle of alcohol in his hand. The quote on the picture read, "I became successful because my father was an alcoholic," and the quote for the homeless looking brother on the right read, "I became an alcoholic because my father was an alcoholic." This was a powerful post for me because both statements were true and both outcomes were from the same root, or practices of their father. 

So what is considered when someone makes the statement he was raised right? In my opinion this can be a combination of strategies and practices. Teaching the child good morals and ethics is the first step. As they get older, the challenges get harder, the talks become deeper, and opportunity for error is narrowed, both for the parent and the adolescent. A parent or parental figure has to recognize the strengths and weaknesses of their children and understand where to plug in the guidance and necessary help. Moreover, a message has to be delivered in a way the child can use the information to take another step forward, whether it's following a mistake or an accomplishment. It doesn't necessarily need to come from the heart either, it needs to come from a place of truth and honesty. A harsh reality some could say, but it also needs to be from a person who leads by example. The old saying goes, "Practice what you preach." "I'm the momma do and as I say, not as I do" is one too, but that's another story. 

Is there really a right or wrong way to raise someone? It seems that the necessary tools can be given to all but the ultimate test will be in the choices the child makes. Again choices are usually made based on assumptions, previous actions, atmosphere, peers, and even previous guidance to name just a few. One key thing one can do is make the child believe in himself. Don't be quick to assist or provide an immediate answer to a question, or resolution to a challenge that the children will face. Allow them and yourself to see what they can do on their own before you judge. They may just surprise you. 

A Letter to 2020

 

Dear 2020,

    As the 2020 year comes to an end many people find themselves less than optimistic for the next year. Since March, here in Virginia, we have been experiencing the effects of a Pandemic, loss of life, more isolation, extended time with household members (Families and Roommates, …), division (promoted by Media, and other platforms), exposing social injustice, social distancing, protests, riots, extended unemployment, loss of careers, and loss of homes. Needless to say we would love to forget this year. I read that from chaos, you have two options, and they are panic and opportunity. This is visible with the rioting and distress seen on social media, in our neighborhoods, and depression experienced by humans around the world. In regard to opportunity, the investors of the world have seen some big jumps in their stakes with Medical stocks and Tech, along with several others. It almost doesn't seem fair how companies like Amazon and Walmart thrive while your local businesses suffer and in some cases lay off their life long employees with no idea when they will be able to return to work, or career. 

    Now in December, almost everyone wears a mask, refuses to shake hands, no hugs (love) and in some cases will not leave their homes to visit friends or family. Thus, leaving the world open to false news ads, political unrest, and public displays of aggression between peers, family, and strangers over a social media platform. In grocery stores, we have seen shortages throughout the year and the inflation of cost for goods and supplies. Before I go any further, I want to thank all of the essential workers for working throughout the year with no break insight or additional Cares Act pay, especially the nurses and doctors first and foremost. Not to leave out the McDonald's or grocery store workers either. They never stopped their routine in the face of the world attempting to do their best to hide behind closed doors. Again, thank you. 

    Stimulus checks went out, Extra Care additional funds, and others perks were available but unfortunately not all of the citizens reaped the benefits. Many of those that did, spent it all instead of saving it for the upcoming trials and challenges. Now, they suffer from not knowing where their income will come from, especially when your job has closed or furloughed you. One thing I've learned and noticed is the "powers that be" are getting better at using the media platforms to control/confuse the masses. From rioting in the streets to promoting political views, and now causing people to not believe in the integrity of our own democracy, the media is scary today. On the other end though, churches are closed or at minimum capacity, but people still find a way to indulge in their religious practices. Families still have small gatherings and people still reach out to people via internet and cell phones. It has always been my belief that the good will always outweigh the bad, no matter what we may see on TV. Another harsh reality is the Covid -19 Virus is real and many families have lost loved ones.

    We've learned to survive all throughout our history so I don't expect this to be any different, but 2020, I wont miss you at all. You took Kobe, Kobe though?? We've watched a basketball season in a "bubble" and baseball season with little to no fans. At one point all we had was Korean baseball to watch for live sports. Football is played with little to no crowds but the fans cheer with digital and soundbite additions. Date nights with wives and husbands have been altered, and not to mention divorces have went to an all time high this year. You learned who you're living with this year, didn't you? Some bonds became even stronger. Kids began virtual school in preparation for college as parents scrambled to find supervision, and searched for answers on google as we help with homework. Other parents headed to work while the kids played in the streets or hung out with friends. 

This is the life given to us for 2020. It is up to you to make the best of it and take advantage of the chaos. Find your opportunities, mind your surroundings and look out for those who cant. This too, shall pass.

    

America's Love for the Bad and the Ugly

 

    How many times have you rooted for the bad guy? Think about it. We loved Arnold's character in the first Terminator, Pacino in Scarface, El Padron in Narcos, and on and on. Studies have shown when it comes to TV shows and Media, the audience loves a little action whether it's good or bad. In fact, the bad gets the most attention. The same goes for social media. I.E. Whenever there's a good dispute everyone chimes in with their opinion and even more people read the threads. People cant get enough of the rage and verbal jousting. This proved to be the case in the 2016 Presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Obviously Trump was more aggressive with his verbiage as he entertained the audience while debating to be the "Leader of the Free World."Boy did he know how to work the crowd and it was entertaining. Before the 2016 election, some could have considered Trump a slight underdog, maybe. In many cases we all love a good underdog, not so much with Trump for some but you get where I'm going. 

    But where or when did we alter our tolerance for the new normal, in regard to conversations and disagreements? Allow me to give an opinion. First, in the late 90's and early 2000's there was the Jerry Springer show, remember..? All kinds of hell broke loose on that show and the ratings went through the roof. America couldn't get enough of the torn families, disappointing stories and lengthy arguments among spouses. Don't forget the exciting DNA results that were revealed. How many of us couldn't wait for that volcano to explode? Then, a few years later after the more level headed viewers began to complain the show faded as the dramatic confrontations were dialed down. Next, we were introduced to Jersey Shore followed by Bad Girls Club. America continued to indulge in watching people make fools of themselves whether it was scripted or unscripted. Kids continued to watch. Once producers realized what they had with this they took it to another level, often hiding it behind the upper class environments and titles like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Orange County, New York City and so on. Then, came Love and Hip Hop more and more people were tuning in and watching drinks being thrown on each other during dinners, lunches, and even breakfast sometimes. People congregating as friends then talking about the first person who leaves the room. Even engaging in adultery and cheating in relations hips with friends and so on.

    Make no mistake, this type of mind control wasn't just discovered. It was well-known for many decades. The news channels got the best rating when they covered a war or a major crisis. Even then certain forms of sharing the news and world events were censored. Now, the censorship has been lifted from these networks and our children see what we had to stay up until 11pm to see, at dinner time. The difference in the 90's was you could turn it off, not read it, or tune it out. Now, the chaos is everywhere from the TV, at work, school, to the smartphone which encourages you to download social media apps. Once the government realized what the "blue app" (FB) was they bought that as well. It wasn't just that it was such a great platform, it was the knowing of how great of a tool it was. A mind altering tool in fact. Most people today do not even know why they keep seeing the same type of videos or same topics everyday and throughout the day. The reason is because this app builds an algorithm that is designed to identify what your interest are. In other words the stuff you like is what the app will continue to pump through your new feeds. I.E. If you like street fights, you get street fight videos, if you like street cars you get more street car videos. I.E. Drag races and low riders, etc... Similar to the quote from the book "As a Man Thinketh," where it was stated, bad trees can only bare bad fruit and good trees will only bare good fruit. It has been a while since I've read that book but you get the message. 

    A documentary I watched a couple years ago, detailed the threats of Facebook, and how if used in the wrong way, it would have a negative impact on many of its users. Just as a kid can become addicted to a video game, an adult can share the same addiction with their social media apps. Some of the guest in that documentary included some elite men in the world such as Warren Buffet and even Bill Gates. Did you know that many algorithm writers, or developers and psychologists, including "world elites" stated that they would never have a "blue app" account because they were aware of what type of mind altering tool it was? 

Reaping What You Sow

    Do not assume the title is anything different from what it says. You will reap what you sow and that goes for anyone and everything. Think about the things you see happen or the things you've seen people do and decisions he or she has made. That voice inside sometimes tells you its going to be hell to pay when xyz comes back around. Recalling a statement from the book "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen, the author wrote Good thoughts bare good fruits, and Bad thoughts bare bad fruits. Or, every man is where he is in life because of his thoughts and actions. Thus, bad choices will have consequences that one must ultimately endure. With that in mind the Bible says, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." 

    Following several self evaluation reviews and hours of reflection, I wanted to do my best to attempt to right any wrongs within my life. This included apologizing for anything I had done to hurt someone, or at least addressing any issues I thought caused another to view my choices or actions with any form of resentment. Obviously, people are going to judge or feel a certain way about you regardless of the success or failures, but I felt it was important for me to at least clear my conscience. Freeing one's mind of any guilt will allow you to move forward in your personal growth. As far as what someone else chooses to do, or feel, that my friend is out of your control. Don't worry about it.

    People often misunderstand or are oblivious to the consequences of their actions. People will treat others badly or even judge, and look down on others as if they will never make a mistake or come across their own challenges. We have to remind ourselves that we too, do not always get it right. How you choose to treat others and the bridges burned, can isolate you to the point where there is no one left for you and your thoughts, or friendship. No one left that wants to hear your complaints, or bare your burdens. No one to lift you up in your time of need or pull you out of those dark clouds. Reaping what you sow refers to the fact that you are likely to receive the same problems that you create for other people.